Obviously, a friend who seduces your husband – GONE!, but what about when it’s not that black and white?
Let me give you my point of view on the subject. I believe that friendship is a two way street. There should be efforts made on both sides. Efforts to encourage, improve and deepen the friendship. In times of trouble, however, I think this rule gets tossed to the wayside. Loss of job, grieving over lost family members, serious illness and the like, would all qualify, and anyone who is suffering from one or more of these things should be given friendship priority. These conditions won’t last forever, but memories of who was there for them, will.
I have given the pink slip to a few friends over the years. Some I still keep in contact with, others I don’t. My criteria are fairly simple; Am I good for them? Are they good for me?
For starters, I am an AWESOME friend. My friends in high school used to joke that they didn’t need boyfriends, because I made them feel more special than any silly boy ever could. It sounds funny, but you’d be surprised at how far a card, a voicemail, a prayer, a meal or a gift really does go! I make a point to know my friends favorite types of candy, when bad days come… a bad of skittles and a note on their windshield may just turn everything around.
Like all good things, though, someone’s going to take advantage of it… I had a friend who I constantly had to entertain. I am pretty comfortable being the center of attention and entertaining, but it got to be too much. Every time we would hang out, I felt like I had to be “on”, or it seemed like she just wasn’t having fun. This ‘condition’ seemed to spread to her family. They would always say that they haven’t laughed this hard in a long time… So the show must go on; entertaining my friend and her family. This went on for YEARS and I never really seemed to enjoy myself when I was with her. She just drained me. Finally, I decided it was time. This thing, whatever it was, had run its course.
I’m not saying slam doors, scream and be rude. There is an adult way to do these things. Slowly. Politely. Purposefully. I called her less often, I accepted invitations less often. The progression was slow and steady, so much so, that an onlooker, would not have even noticed. We’re still ‘friends’ on Facebook and if we see each other in public, we do a quick catch up conversation. It’s better this way, it really is.
Now, however, I find myself in a much tougher predicament. A lifelong pal of mine, is draining me. She whines, she complains, she audibly envies everyone and everything, she brings me down. I’ve tried, calling, texting, emailing, inviting, etc., and quite frankly I’m tired. She accepts my invitations, but waits a few weeks to do so, she doesn’t eat the food I prepare and instead opts for some junk food that she packed in her bag, then complains about the drive, heck, complains about everything. I can’t please her. I’ve decided, that unlike high school, when everyone was desperate to have friends and ‘belong’. I don’t need her. The only problem… a lifetime of history.
So, I stew in my juices and remember better times and hope that this is just a low spot in our friendship. I’m not yet ready to call it quits, because of our history, but if she were anyone else… she’d get the boot.
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